I’d like to punch the person who came up with the cliche “Time heals all wounds.”
Punching probably sounds a bit extreme, particularly coming from a priest, but another cliche (or rather truism) is that one of the stages of grief is anger, so I think I’m covered.
Today it’s two years since my father suddenly passed away. And I can’t quite wrap my mind around that. Some days it feels much longer than that, others it feels like yesterday. Some times it seems we’ve accepted this new reality as a family – others, I don’t want to speak for everyone else, but I know I find myself catching myself, reminding myself that this really happened.
In all of those varied and different emotions, feelings and experiences – the one constant is the realization that time hasn’t healed anything. Because healing to me means wholeness, restoration. After suffering this loss, I think that part of the problem with that cliche is that on this side of eternity, that’s not going to happen. It’s true, I’m not as in shock as I was two years ago, and have a better handle on my emotions and reactions to memories then I did in those first days and weeks.
But it still hurts. We still feel Dad’s absence and miss him. It still hurts.
So for me, I want to banish that cliche. To me, grief is not a wound that is ever going to be healed till Christ vanquishes it forever, we’re all one with Him in his Resurrection, united in His Kingdom where seeing the Lord in his fullness, He will wipe every tear from our eyes.
In the meantime if I need an image to describe grief – rather than feeling frustrated at my wound that time has forgotten to heal, to me, grief is more like a break you’ve experienced on your arm or leg. Yes the bone was re-set, the fracture mended… you’re able to walk, run, wave – many of the things you were able to do before the break occurred, sometimes it’s like it never happened. But at times the pain returns – sometimes without warning – maybe because of bad weather, change of seasons, different environment, or for no discernable reason at all – you feel that injury again, it throbs, it’s sore, you’re not able to do what you did before the break for a period of time – it hurts.
That’s what grief is to me.
Love and miss you Dad.
October 6, 2016
You have described this grief exactly. I miss my father every day and he died in 1988. Time hasn't fixed the great hole we all feel in our family.
We lost our daughter at the age of 31 ten years ago. I still miss and think about her everyday. The tears do not come as much, but still do at times. Time does NOT heal all wounds. You learn to live a new normal. I know she is at peace due to her faith. But she left behind a 5 and 3 year old, both daughters and a husband who love her. She found out she had cancer when her youngest was 3 years, breast cancer..she was nursing. I was convinced God would heal her. Her husband was and still was/still is an unbeliever in any God, We fight to take the girls to Mass with us. (did get them thru First Communion) Our priest had VERY close friends at the Vatican who were praying for her. I had anger after her 3 year battle and wonder WHY??? My anger is gone, but I still wonder Why????? I miss her every day, I still want to call her or tag her on FB…..We are blessed, we have 5 wonderful living children, 14 grandchildren…but there is a void at family gatherings. Time does not heal…you just get stronger by the grace of God to face your loss. Prayers for you and your family. I am sure when your dad hears your laugh, he turns to God, Jesus and Mary and says; "Thats my son!!!"
We lost our 31 year old daughter 10 years ago. She left behind a 5 and 3 year old and a husband who loved her dearly. The grief for me will NEVER end. I know her suffering due to breast cancer (that she found when she was nursing an infant) will never go away. We have learned to live a new "normal" We have 5 other children and 14 grandchildren….we are blessed…BUT at ever family gathering there is a void. I still go to call her…I want to tag her on FB…She was our first born. She was a peacemaker. When family would be upset with each other, her comment was to throw love at it!!!! I went thru a period of anger at God. So many prayers for her healing. Our priest had contacts at the Vatican and they prayed for her. Her husband is a non-believer….I even told him to see what Our God can do! Time does not heal wounds….we just change the way our "normal" is. My anger with God is gone…I still wonder why….But I have learned to trust Him. And that is so hard! Love to you and your family!!!